Right, I wake up again and straight away I look at my phone to see if she has text me. There isn’t anything, so I pick up the phone and try to ring her, no reply. Then I ask myself, ‘what do I do now?’. I find myself spending each day living just to speak to her. It’s now 12:21pm and I should really be putting use to my day but I feel the need to go back to sleep until she wakes up so that I can talk to her. When I’m awake and she’s asleep I feel sad because the only time I’m truly happy is when she opens her mouth and her amazing personality is shown in her voice.

I keep doing things wrong, not intentional- by mistake. Not particularly things now, just a big mistake I made in the past, which plays over in her mind (which she thinks I don’t understand, but I try). We act like friends now because she can’t be more, but I’m awake all the time for her in case she needs me at all. When she isn’t happy I really feel a mess of a man and my day is ruined. I’ve had to work really hard to hide my affection and tone it done to a friend affection, but often my love comes through and I get carried away and tell her I love her.

I think she hates me because I saw a post she put on Tumblr 6 hours ago. She is an incredible person and I know that a lot of people want her. But I’ve been waiting in the queue for several years now, and if I can’t have her then her friendship is the next best thing. I’d settle for anything right now, just a final call/chat anything- but I have a really strong feeling that even if I went back to sleep now and waited a few hours and called her, I still think she wouldn’t want to talk to me.

It’s now 12:34pm, so I’m going to shut the curtains and keep my phone next to my bed. I don’t really have much hope but if she reads this as the last message from me. I want you to feel special Jayne.

I love you.